Dirt Spirits
by icefire-lioness
Summary: Written for a challenge on SAYS. Unrequited Remus/Sirus, Remus/Regulus. It's all in the library.


AN: Written for a challenge on SAYS (JessiRose's obscure ship challenge.) I think I have a new ship! Remus/Regulus. SO AWESOME. Hope you enjoy it.

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If he listens, he can hear them all leaving. One by one, they all leave. It is always in the same order; Peter, James, Sirius. Sirius leaves twice. It is a strange sort of premonition that Remus always has. He doesn't like to hear it; he hates being alone, but sometimes it creeps up when he is on the edge of sleep or thinking of something that pulls his barriers down. Usually it is Sirius who pulls them down. He knows the weaknesses.

He tries not to listen that morning, doesn't think he can take it, but the girl – blonde, tall, slim, probably Ravenclaw – does not know how to sneak for a werewolf. Senses are heightened and it doesn't matter if he doesn't _want_ to hear her leave, he always will. The door snicks behind her and Remus turns in his bed, opens his eyes. Sirius sleeps in the bed next to him, apparently unaware of his lover's departure. He is all pale limbs on the sheets, his long black hair mussed, covering his face. Small breaths turn into little eddies of air and his hair rises and falls over his mouth.

Remus watches him, heart clenching. He knows that Sirius does not know – does not want Sirius to know – that Remus feels for him something which is definitely not appropriate, but it always hurts as though Sirius has done it purposefully, to spite him. He cannot, cannot stay like this. It hurts too much. Something has to be done, but the problem is, Remus doesn't know what _can _be done.

Remus waits for the sound of the girl's footsteps to echo out and then he slips out of bed and down the stairs to the Common Room. He looks around, watching for people, and then opens the portrait hole, walking out quickly. His footsteps sound louder in the silence of Sunday morning, and he closes his eyes as he walks, moving by sound rather than sight. He reaches the library quickly, pushing open the heavy door and slipping in quietly.

The library is practically empty, and Remus walks to the desk near the window, hoping for some privacy. Somewhere he can rest, and think, and not be plagued by the constant _there-ness_ of Sirius. But no, not even here will he be spared.

He is sitting at Remus' table, looking out at the empty sky. His black hair, not as long as his brothers, hangs messily at his shoulders, and when he lowers his head over his book, it reflects the light dully. Remus feels a sob rise in his throat, stupid, unwanted, irretrievable. It is only the fact that it's morning and he is tired, but the sound rips up from somewhere deep inside of him and it is all his pain and sorrow at _everything_ all made into one piece of suffering which is aimed at one person, one situation, which isn't really bad at all.

Regulus looks around at the stifled sound, and Remus turns away, unable to look at him. He looks _so much_ like his brother. Regulus glances at Remus, a small wrinkle of confusion on his brow.

"Lupin, isn't it?"

Remus turns back to the other boy, avoiding his eye.

"Yes."

Regulus stands up, holding out his hand.

"I'm Regulus."

"I know," Remus says softly, shaking Regulus' hand.

"You're friends with my brother, aren't you? Sirius?" Regulus asks, and Remus flushes a little. Wishes they were more than friends. Hates himself for thinking it.

"Yes," Remus answers, dropping Regulus' hand. Regulus smiles a little, and Remus thinks how unfair it is that he looks so much like his brother. It is difficult to see him as the horror that Sirius describes, because he just looks like a slightly unkempt Sirius.

And Sirius exaggerates when it comes to his family, Remus knows that. So maybe Regulus is proud and arrogant, but Sirius can be too, Remus knows. Just because he is Sirius' friend doesn't mean he has to agree with everything Sirius says. He is bought out of his musings when Regulus tips his head to one side, smiling.

"You like him, don't you?"

Remus flushes, looking away and back again, flustered and nervous.

"No, no, what do you mean?"

Regulus smiles. "I've seen you with him. Anyway, I'm not going to tell anyone, I just…thought I'd ask."

_Thought you'd ask_, Remus thinks. _What's going on?_

"Why?" he asks, his voice coming out a little sharper than he had intended. Regulus keeps smiling, moving to stand in an aisle. He beckons Remus forward, and against his better judgement, Remus goes.

"I know it isn't normally what someone would ask…but I suppose I'm not normal," Regulus says in a low voice, chuckling a little. Remus watches him, wondering whether he is mad. Probably. But so is Remus.

"I know you're…innocent and all that, Lupin, but think about this. If you were to kiss me, right now, right here, what do you think that would be like?"

_Like kissing Sirius_, thinks Remus, and his heart twists.

Regulus' eyes are shining, his hands fisting in some sick parody of excitement at _whatever_ it is that he is trying. Remus swallows, looking away.

"Why?" he asks again, and his voice is all mouse and no lion. Regulus shrugs, his eyes still gleaming. He advances on Remus, fisting his hands in Remus' shirt now, moving right up close. He is all blurred and waves because he is so close, and Remus can see only Sirius.

"Because it would be interesting," Regulus says softly, and Remus swallows painfully.

"It wouldn't be right," he says, and Regulus leans forward and bites his neck, leaving a small red mark.

"Oh? Why not? And who for? Sirius? He doesn't _care_."

Remus feels a wave of fury and sorrow fill him, and even though he knows it's what Regulus expects, he flips the other boy, pushing him up against the bookshelves.

"He does care, he does," Remus whispers fiercely, closing his eyes. Regulus laughs softly, running his hands through Remus' hair.

"Of course he does, Lupin. Of course he does. Just not in the way you want him to."

And he knows it, anyway, so why is he so angry? Is it just someone saying it aloud? Or is it the fact that the person who says it looks like Sirius, and Remus is imagining that rejection? It doesn't make any sense, but all he wants to do is hit Regulus, and then he wants to kiss him for the fact that he could be Sirius, he could be, if only Remus believed.

Regulus laughs again, and tips Remus' chin up with one finger. And though Remus knows it is wrong, knows it not just with his heart but with his hands and his mouth and every inch of his body that it is _wrong_, he kisses Regulus back, thinking _he could be Sirius, if I just wish it hard enough._


End file.
